Where is the best place for me to sit? Who starts eating first? Which part of the fish is considered the best? How do you show respect when clinking glasses with others? We'll help you figure all of this out.
Dinners in China can be incredibly fun, but they are also full of pitfalls. One wrong move, and you might inadvertently offend someone without even realizing it. But if you do everything right, your local hosts will notice your respect for Chinese customs – this "gives them face" and shows that you're not just another ignorant foreigner wandering around China.
How important is the dining ritual to the Chinese? So important that even a newborn has their "banquet" schedule laid out: a one-month dinner, two-month dinner, 100-day dinner, first birthday dinner, etc. Everything happens at the table: strangers become friends, friends become enemies, and enemies become friends again; potential grooms are carefully evaluated and ultimately "approved" as sons-in-law; multi-million dollar investment contracts are confirmed; and nearly finalized agreements can fall through at the last moment. And all of this takes place against a backdrop of delicious food, aromatic drinks, and elegant tableware, filled with countless subtleties, hints, and games of deciphering "face" (status and relationships).
Here are some excellent ways to show respect to others, as well as tips to help you start off on the right foot:
The "dance" begins right at the door: people gently guide each other towards specific seats, trying to show modesty and respect. The most honorable seat is facing the door; the second most important is to its right, and the third is to its left. Don't sit there if you haven't been invited. Play along with the situation: resist a little, pretend to give way.
A plate of sizzling, hot ribs is placed on the table – right in front of you. You're starving. Can you grab a piece? Not yet!
Turn the Lazy Susan clockwise and let others (especially the person in the most honorable seat) try it first. Don't worry – the dish will come back to you. And nobody wants to be the one who takes the last piece from the communal plate.
By this point, the hosts may have already noticed your modesty, and when a whole fish is brought to the table, they might insist that you eat first. Which part of the fish should you start with? Generally, the best piece is the upper part of the belly; the second most valued is the upper part of the back, and so on in descending order. Initially, avoid these "most delicious" spots.
What is this secret game happening? The "modesty dance" continues! When two glasses clink, the height at which people hold their glasses indicates hierarchy. Sometimes they lower their glasses more and more – even to the point of tapping them on the table (though that's already the worst-case scenario). When the host proposes a toast to you, hold your glass lower – so that their glass remains higher.
These observations hold true for most meals where there is a hierarchy: corporate dinners with management, meetings with clients, multi-generational family gatherings. With practice, learn to notice regional differences. But among friends, all this protocol often just flies out the window. Yes!